Today I went to yoga. It seems every time I go, I end up breathing deeply because that’s what the yoga instructor tells me to do, and I’m so intimidated of her, because she can stand on her hands while stretching out her legs, balanced on her elbows. It doesn’t help that the entire class manages to do the same acrobatic yoga pose while I sit staring at everyone in disbelief. It is in these moments when my strength is clearly not up to par, I begin to question my ability to evolve. Like how long does it take one to achieve this master elbow pose? Is it 2 years of yoga, maybe 5 or six? Is it even possible? I swear it is in these self-doubting moments that all blood drains from my brain and I begin to wonder if the breaths have caused more anxiety than calmness.
It is at these vulnerable self-defeating moments that I begin to calculate how many days are in a year, and how many days I will probably miss a yoga class, setting my goal to achieve this elbow balance another few decades ahead of me. And that’s when I realize it might not be achievable at all. Suddenly while everyone is saying “OOOOM” in class, I am saying WHAT THE EFFETY Blank BLANK?? And before I know it my yoga practice geared to calm my nerves, leaves me wondering how in the hell I will ever master anything, if I can’t master getting calm during OOOOM. Do you see the spiral here??
Fear has that ability- to completely put you in this space where the word POSSIBILITY does not exist.
So what if I can’t master the elbow pose, who cares- its not like I’ll ever need to balance off a tall building while hanging from a window as a sand storm comes in. Will I ever need strong balance on my elbows to stop from falling to my death at 9,000 feet? You know what, last time I checked I was not working on the set of a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible film. Lets get things into perspective, shall we?
Suddenly I began to re-breathe and realize that if I don’t need that pose, but I just try it for fun, then maybe one day I’ll get there. Maybe one day it might be possible. Its at that moment, that I hear the instructor say “Warrior Pose.” I am standing like a warrior and hearing my own strength breathing into my body. Also I am standing and not balancing on elbows, so there’s that. It is in the stand of “warrior” that I realize the “one day it might be possible” idea is more important than the pose itself.
I’m going to stop trying to achieve it all- and just work at wanting to achieve a little, and the rest of life’s possibilities will become…well-possible.
I climb to the top of the damn mountain- by “climb” I mean stand without a railing on a moving escalator holding on to an inner tube. I get to the top and peer down the suicidal snow hill. A six year old boy hops on his inner tube and flies down the hill fearless as a coyote stealing s’mores from a camp sight.
I let about sixteen more kids by before sitting on my tube. They snare at me with righteous indignation. “Sissy,” they say with their eyes.
I finally sit on my tube- push myself off and wait for the world to fly by like a frightening whirlwind.
And then it happens.
I’m at the bottom- tush wet- still breathing.
I sit there for a moment staring behind me at the tall hill that I just came from. Proud of myself despite my severe fear of heights-
Bite me hill- I got this.
I’m feeling accomplished, bad ass, wickedly courageous till my kid says-
“Mom- you did great- tomorrow we hit the hill on skiis- standing up-”
Just when you think you beat your fear- there it is rising outta nowhere taunting you like a little prissy girl- a little pain in my ass, snooty, hoity- toity arrogant, stuck-up brat.
So am I going skiing tomorrow?
Maybe it’s Someone willing to use their bad day as an experience versus an excuse.
Maybe it’s someone willing to fight when the rest of us are ready to give up.
Maybe it’s someone smiling in the storm.
Maybe it’s someone holding up the ones about to fall.
Maybe it’s someone willing to sing between the rain drops.
When a hero appears- our knees-about to buckle suddenly stand a little taller- we slump a little less and see a bit brighter.
Every one of us have the power to be heroic- all we need to do is believe it in ourselves.
Do you have a hero in you?
Find her- she’s rising-
There are just those days that create a corner. You know ’em….suddenly a new state of news are delivered that opens up a path we weren’t expecting to head down. Sometimes that path is deeply exciting. Other times it is terrifying.
What if we receive news that puts on a path we’d really never choose to head down at all? Is there a remedy for that?
Because when fear sets in before that path is walked on- doubt forces us to become numb. The path looks bleak- how do we cope?
When we are beyond our threshold – and forced to walk the plank- that is when we pray. That is when we reach for our Power’s hand to guide us- that is the moment we grab our compass. That way- when we jump off- we are not left swimming alone.
The art of practicing spiritual connection was built for those days when corners arrive. Today close your eyes and feel that power taking your hand- you are not alone- just merely lost.
We tend to be most fearful of intimacy – paradoxically humans are creatures who crave it the most. We don’t want to go the distance unless we feel treasured- but how many of us out there are afraid of allowing ourselves the joy of actually being treasured-
If we want to feel intimate- we have to be willing to BE intimate without fear of rejection. That fear is debilitating. The narratives of why someone might be rejecting us that we tell ourselves are a lot of time not even true. So change it!
If we want to be seen- we have to be willing to be revealed.
True revelation is attained through connection without any expectations. That applies to human intimacy and spiritual connection as well.
If we want to feel close to those we love- that includes our Higher Power, we cannot wait for the feeling- we have the power to create that feeling.
This does not just apply to romantic intimacy- but all intimacy.
Today let’s be brave to connect – to put our best food forward and be in connection vs just craving connection.
Go ahead ” put out” a little- see what happens….