Today I went to yoga. It seems every time I go, I end up breathing deeply because that’s what the yoga instructor tells me to do, and I’m so intimidated of her, because she can stand on her hands while stretching out her legs, balanced on her elbows. It doesn’t help that the entire class manages to do the same acrobatic yoga pose while I sit staring at everyone in disbelief. It is in these moments when my strength is clearly not up to par, I begin to question my ability to evolve. Like how long does it take one to achieve this master elbow pose? Is it 2 years of yoga, maybe 5 or six? Is it even possible? I swear it is in these self-doubting moments that all blood drains from my brain and I begin to wonder if the breaths have caused more anxiety than calmness.
It is at these vulnerable self-defeating moments that I begin to calculate how many days are in a year, and how many days I will probably miss a yoga class, setting my goal to achieve this elbow balance another few decades ahead of me. And that’s when I realize it might not be achievable at all. Suddenly while everyone is saying “OOOOM” in class, I am saying WHAT THE EFFETY Blank BLANK?? And before I know it my yoga practice geared to calm my nerves, leaves me wondering how in the hell I will ever master anything, if I can’t master getting calm during OOOOM. Do you see the spiral here??
Fear has that ability- to completely put you in this space where the word POSSIBILITY does not exist.
So what if I can’t master the elbow pose, who cares- its not like I’ll ever need to balance off a tall building while hanging from a window as a sand storm comes in. Will I ever need strong balance on my elbows to stop from falling to my death at 9,000 feet? You know what, last time I checked I was not working on the set of a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible film. Lets get things into perspective, shall we?
Suddenly I began to re-breathe and realize that if I don’t need that pose, but I just try it for fun, then maybe one day I’ll get there. Maybe one day it might be possible. Its at that moment, that I hear the instructor say “Warrior Pose.” I am standing like a warrior and hearing my own strength breathing into my body. Also I am standing and not balancing on elbows, so there’s that. It is in the stand of “warrior” that I realize the “one day it might be possible” idea is more important than the pose itself.
I’m going to stop trying to achieve it all- and just work at wanting to achieve a little, and the rest of life’s possibilities will become…well-possible.