Heres the truth- if you have an agenda I won’t give you the time of day. If I’m in a store shopping and A salesperson compliments me but i then smell her sniffing- I leave. If you say the words “you should…” I’m outta there. If you try to coerce me into doing something because it makes YOU feel like you have purpose- then I’m really effing outta there.
Because true authentic connection does not come from manipulation- it comes from a genuine feeling of wanting to share a journey with no strings attached.
I hardly ever carry agendas in my pocket and the few times i have one- i usually state it pretty openly- “Hey heres the thing i need you to move your car, read my script, buy me dinner- ” whatever it is- im gonna ask pretty openly. And if the answer is no- i actually won’t care too much either, because i don’t carry expectations around. I think that many people lose connections because of unrealistic expectations and their needs are so great- they will manipulate anyone in any way to get them met.
I’ve always lived by my husband Rabbi Robbie’s principles that there are usually three reasons I am destined to connect with someone- either I need something from them, they need something from me, or we need to take care of a third party together. So if I meet someone and I am sharing their journey- I never worry about the outcome of that journey we share- because I know when it is meant to be revealed it usually handles itself beautifully. This has a great positive impact on my relationships and more importantly it prevents me from ever having an agenda.
Because there is nothing worse then being taken for a ride- or feeling like someone is planning your life without you realizing or noticing it. If you are living your life with a constant agenda- you can pretty much bet no ones gonna come to your birthday party- unless you plan on giving away gift cards to the guests. Because true authentic connection happens when you are in the moment not when you are trying control it.
As far as I’m concerned- the only agenda we should carry around is having NO AGENDA at all.