I almost did not vote. I don’t like either candidate. They do not reflect my values or my ethical creed. My decision had to lie in a puddle of green muck where I would be forced to choose between the Wicked Witch of the West and the Grinch. Essentially I was forced to decide which lesser evil I was willing to live with. I hated how many people lost friendships over the candidate they rallied around. I refused to tell anyone who I was voting for, for fear of losing friendships.
For a long time I really felt Hillary was the person who was the “lesser evil.” She is calculating and brilliant. She memorizes facts. She is diplomatic. She has had experience speaking to world leaders and an impressive resume. I figured she was someone who could do the job with grace and dignity.
Clinton didn’t reflect all of my world views. I was concerned about her inability to keep our country’s secrets by allowing 650,000 emails vulnerable to possible enemies. She came across careless with manipulated self interests.
So I figured Donald would have to be the lesser evil. I switched sides. I would vote for Donald.
Then I watched Donald during the debates. He was a larger than life moron. He used bullying as his tactic and never said anything specific. His dialogue was laced with insults and unspecific rhetoric with no real plan. He said more about his agenda without saying anything. He said mostly nothing and yet said so much. CRAP. He said a lot of crap.
So I switched to Hillary again.
I figured I am a woman, she is a woman. I can read, she can read. She might reflect my values more. She is intelligent. Heck Beyonce is voting for her.
But then I started listening to her relationship with countries that do not share our best interests and the way she allegedly manipulated the Clinton Foundation. Allegations began swarming around her Pay to Play tactics. Did she take money from foreign countries who are hoping America falls? Has she allowed these entities to manipulate and hurt the very system she was charged to protect?
So I switched to Donald again.
I watched SNL. I watched Fox News. I watched CNN. I read articles. I laughed at memes.
Donald, Hillary. Then Hillary. Then Donald. Hillary. Donald. Hilla- I flipped and flopped until my confusion left me feeling so confused my head was spinning. I didn’t want to vote. I became cynical. I decided there was no one person I could get excited about. Either way I felt we were doomed. I was not going to vote, that was my final decision.
But then I woke up this morning, November 8th. I remembered my grandparents fighting for this country. My grandmother who was an officer in the navy. My dad’s voice telling me the right to vote is a Jewish right that we should never take for granted. We have not always had that privilege. My sister asked if I voted. My brother wanted to make sure I voted. Then I realized my son would be voting for the first time and that’s when I panicked.
I showed up to the polls. I stared at the candidate names. I wavered longer then the rest of the folks who walked into cast their ballots. I pushed a button on one of the names. I felt a sense of shame for not learning more about the candidates that don’t get on TV.
I participated. I showed up. I have no idea which candidate will win. And I am pretty sure the one I chose is not worthy of my vote. I live in the United States. I am a citizen of this beautiful country, and I am privileged to have the opportunity to cast a vote. I wonder if I have any voice in this country that will one day change the next election to have running mates that will one day hopefully reflect healthier values with integrity and authentic principles we all so deserve.
Whoever wins I know this- SNL is going to kill it for the next four years.
God Bless America.